bogeyandruby

Random stuff, reflections on the meaning of life and death, humour, self-deprecation, a bit of bad poetry.

I’m not a good traveller. As much as I am drawn to the idea of seeing the world while ticking items off a bucket list sort of itinerary, I love staying home even more. The fact that I am height-challenged and can never reach the overhead bins in the plane doesn’t help, never mind that lifting heavy bags like that is poor ergonomics in the first place. Flight attendants, I feel your pain.

But the worst part of traveling for me, is having to leave my pets behind. The very thought of it renders me to a hand-wringing, horribly guilty state. Heartbroken really. We have three birds and two dogs to board. The birds are fairly new acquisitions but no easier to care for. These small feathered beings recognize us, socialize with us and do not cope well with change. My husband says I am anthropomorphizing them.
Finding resources to look after them has been challenging because most people who love animals have their own menageries to care for with little room at the inn. Plus, the fact that it’s summertime with overlapping vacation periods.
One positive aspect of being an anxious, over thinker is that I gave myself plenty of time to come up with a plan. Our groomer, Tania, will be looking after the dogs. Whereas I don’t know her personally, she does a great job cleaning them up, takes them on very short notice when there is a “poop” emergency and consistently tells me how sweet and well-behaved they are. What sealed the deal though was when she said, “They can even sleep with me if they want!”. Only a true dog lover would ever considering sleeping with boarders.
The birds were a little trickier to place. It had to be an experienced “bird person” as they have
particular needs and tendencies. Based on recommendations from a couple of friends, we booked three spots at the the Veterinary Hospital for Birds and Exotic Pets in town. This had to be organized
well in advance as the prerequisite was a full medical exam as well as preventative treatments for
parasites. While we were there, we decided to have a DNA test done for our albino cockatiel, Johnny Winter, and discovered that she was in fact Betty White incognito.
Yesterday morning, my husband and I washed all the cages, loaded the birds in their carry cages, and transported them into town. The technician who checked them in was great. Efficient, kind and very knowledgeable. Betty White was placed next to two other cockatiels named Bob and Bill and Eugene Blue and Limoncello were side by side just like they are at home. Full disclosure: I bawled my eyes out later in the car.
And I cried again when the vet called me a few hours later to say they were worried about Chelly, our barred parakeet, who had been fluffed up and lethargic for hours. Could be stress or could be that she is ill, the vet explained. Not wanting to take any chances, particularly as we would be out of reach the following day, I gave her permission to do an exam and culture. The vet called me back around 8:30
pm. The culture was positive for a crop infection, was treatable with antibiotics and had a good
prognosis. It was only after the vet hung up that I remembered something. For the past couple of weeks, whenever I kissed Chelly on her little head, I noticed a sour odour, almost like urine. I wondered about it at the time and sprayed her more regularly with the water bottle (she loves having a shower, then preening herself). But the smell lingered. I had also noticed a few times that she stayed in her cage rather than run out to greet me when I opened the cage door with her comical, chicken wearing pyjamas, belly to the ground kind of gait.
In retrospect, thank goodness we decided to board them at the avian vet’s. Not being experienced bird owners, we may have let this go on too long with dire consequences. Birds are fragile little things; when they are ill, their condition can deteriorate rapidly.
We still have to drop off Sami and Gami shih tzu later this afternoon. It’s like they know what’s in the
air. Neither of them have eaten today. Ugh.Part of me (the adventurous, bucket-list part) is really looking forward to this trip. It will be good to see family overseas again and for my husband to see the land of his forebears for the first time. That being said, I am already looking forward to being reunited with the fids and the fur kids again.À bientôt!
Limoncello “Chelly”, our Linnie.
Eugene the pacific blue parrotlet

                                                                  Betty White

                                                                 Sami & Gami

As far as I am concerned white loafers should stay in the closet at all times but if you’re going to wear them anyway, for heaven’s sake, dust them off and (shoe) polish them up after Spring equinox.

Context: I put my clip-on sunglasses in my coat pocket the other day then sat down for a car ride. Needless to say, either my body heat, hip flexion, or possibly both caused them to bend and contort. I dropped them off at Vizualis to be repaired and picked them up today.

Clerk wearing white loafers before Spring equinox, who I know fairly well and try to avoid when it comes time to choose new frames: “Hi! How are you?”

Me: “I’m well, thanks. You look good. Did you get new glasses?”

White loafers: “No, I lost weight. I’m on a diet, nothing but salads for me.”

Me: “Go figure, I’m on a diet too!”

I’m thinking we may not recognize each other next time around. One thing’s for sure, you will never, ever, catch me wearing white loafers no matter what season it is. Not even the kind with velcro straps.

“You and me, we’ve met geniuses. And we know we’re not like them, don’t we? What is it like to go on, knowing you are not a genius, knowing you are a mediocrity? I think it’s the worst kind of hell.”
“Well,” Less said. “I think there’s something between genius and mediocrity—“
Less, by Andrew Sean Greer
And that is the bar I am aiming for as I begin my 57th year. Anything between mediocrity and genius will do.

Valentine’s Day

I love this face
This face, this face
The space it takes
When pressed so close
To mine
The crinkled corners
Of kind blue eyes
The deepened grooves 
That earn another year today
I love the way it takes me in
The tam o’ shanter
Silly grin
That makes me laugh
(At stupid things)
The words that form
Inside its rooms
They swirl and dance
Into songs and poems
My Valentine’s Boy
He makes me sing
He makes me better
He makes me think
There was supposed to be
An earth shattering KABOOM
And oh, by God, there was
A spark, a flame, a plume
That face, that face
it caught me fast
I’m smitten now
No looking back.
Happy birthday, sweet I! ❤️❤️❤️
What is the shape of your joy? 
In Kyo Maclear’s wonderful memoir, Birds Art Life, she refers to her friend Jack Breakfast and his cure for creative depression: “He had discovered his joy was bird shaped.”
A few years ago, I think it was the month of June, I was walking my dogs through the local park during my lunch hour, when I heard a bird song for the first time. What I mean is, until that exact moment in time and space, this song had been nothing but white noise in my head, the soundtrack to a busy, distracted life. But on that particular day, for whatever reason, the universe opened up and it was like I heard it for the first time. Its melody was sweet and clear. Two notes in succession, repeated. I remember feeling fully aware in that moment and the distinct sensation of my heart lifting in my chest. I scanned the trees above to find the source of the music but to no avail. It was only much later, in describing it to Ian, that he identified it as a chickadee song
As it turned out, the shape of my joy was also a bird. And in discovering that joy, my life was permanently altered and I became a bird person.
****************************************************************************************************************
Late last night when I should have been in bed, I was busted by Ian as I edited a selection of the 500 plus bird photos I took during this past Sunday’s snowstorm (make that crazy bird lady). 
“What are you doing?”, he asked.
“Editing photos when I should be winding down.”, I replied sheepishly. I showed him the shot I was working on.
“Nice! I wrote you a poem.”, he said. “I sent it through messenger.”
“Really?” 
(As much as I love poetry, I especially love it when it’s written for me.)
Here is the poem:
My love loves taking photographs
The backyard birds are famous now

Her spirit animal
Chick a dee dee dee…
Little cuddly looking cuties 
that can’t be cuddled
Cause they can’t be still

If I were to describe a bird 
that most resembles her
It would be the chickadee
Predictably unpredictable 
Or unpredictably predictable

These little flitterfluff rascals
All puffed out against the 
fierce forces of winter
Flitting and quitting 
in acrobatic routines 
that never repeat. 
Peep peep

hard to photograph, a challenge
They don’t sit still for long 
Not long enough to focus on. 
Always on to the next task

I’m waiting for my chickadee
To come home
— Ian Hanchet
And here is the photograph I was editing (the shape of my joy):
So tell me, what is the shape of your joy?
So I just bought a domain name thinking it would inspire me to write more blog entries. Here goes.

Actually, I bought two domain names: I purchased the second one after making a big spelling boo boo on the first one. I’ll blame that on my cataracts. Apparently I have to wait five days before canceling the first one which makes absolutely no sense to me unless they’re hoping I forget to cancel. 
In other news, I am following four times more people on Instagram than are following me which makes me rather uncool and needy. Not to mention many of the accounts that do follow me promise to make me more popular on Instagram. Sigh … welcome to the world of social media. 

Oh, and there are a total of eleven people (still) following my blog. (If you’re reading this, you’re one of them!) Out of those eleven, two are the same people, one is my husband, three are from my defunct book club and five are (loyal) friends.

I’ve entered cancelling my domain name in my smart phone calendar. Five days seems so random. 

My domaine name is bogeyandruby.com, by the way. I was both shocked and pleased it was still available. Sounds a lot better than bogieampruby. com, don’t it?

I went sports bra shopping today. Not because the ones I wear aren’t doing the job. Rather, I wouldn’t want to be caught dead in one if I were in an accident and somebody had to perform CPR or something.

Anyone who knows me well knows well enough how much I hate clothes shopping and shopping for undergarments is no exception. Luckily, my go-to clothing store is conveniently located next to my favourite bookstore, the ideal place to console myself after a failed attempt to find something, anything that fits. (I have a lot of books, by the way.)

This particularly clothing store happens to sell a sporty line, clothes to sweat in, or in my case, stuff to sweat in AND wear to the office. I am particularly drawn to the fact that they carry an “ultra-petite” section though by section I mean one pair of stretchy pants (what the hell are sculpture pants?) that are still two inches too long for my 26″ inseam.

I found the sportsbra rack at the back of the store, all black except for one conspicuous salmon-coloured model, and searched for my cup size. Uh … what the heck does size “extra-large” translate to in cup-size? I spotted a sales clerk lurking in the shadows and asked her how the bra sizes work. She replied, “Well, I take medium.”, as if that was supposed to be some kind of universal reference point for the rest of us. “I’d better try a large then.”, I decided. I headed to a cubicle, undressed and pulled the claspless, crossed-back bra over my head, then grimaced in anticipation as I turned to face my reflection in the mirror. Well, folks, how do I put this? It would have been a perfect fit if I’d been looking for some sort of abdominal hernia support. Or a hammock to have a nap in before I used it to carry my coconuts home.

“How’s it going in there?’, the salesgirl called from the other side of the cubicle. “I’m afraid I’m not as young and perky as you.”, I lamented. I need proper cups that lift and separate and provide a solid surface to rest my chin on.

Besides, I just remembered a book I need to get.

The expedition wasn’t a complete loss though. I managed to snag a fall coat on my way out the door. Don’t you just love stuff you can try on without undressing?

Additional rant: please, please, please, dear fashion Gods … make skinny pants/leggings go away and bring back the boot cut. I really don’t like having to take my glasses off to try on pants, never mind my shoes. And I don’t like having to put my socks back on everytime I take them off. It’s bad enough being 4’11” on a good day without feeling like I’m just another link in the sausage train!

Had any luck with clothes-shopping lately? Do share your stories of inspiration.

P.S. I did wear a pair of jean leggings the other day that my dear work friends bought me before my honeymoon last year. It’s the first time I wore them in public and even though I was very uncomfortable and had to take my shoes and glasses off to get them on and and put my socks back on when I took them off, I wore them happily because they were chosen with love, by people I love.

There are some bucket list items you never think about listing until you’ve actually crossed them off your list. Like the one one I put a line through today: leaping from a moving vehicle.
I’ve thought about what I would do plenty of times if for example my brakes suddenly failed in between intersections on a busy boulevard, or my car had a blowout on the highway, or I lost control of my car crossing a bridge and it plunged into the river, or God forbid if the concrete overpass I was on suddenly gave way (scream all the way to my death would be my only option).


But nothing prepared me for Ian’s car rolling away from the gas pump with me in the passenger seat and Ian inside the station hut paying the bill. After the first few seconds of shocked disbelief, I felt the car picking up speed and screamed for Ian. With my life flashing before my eyes (and an image of the running shoes I’d regrettably exchanged for sandals before leaving the house), I undid my seatbelt, opened the passenger door and leaped out of the moving car. 
Peeps, I gotta tell you, it’s a lot harder to do this in real life than they make it seem in the movies. I am incredibly grateful that I recently joined a gym and have been duly practicing my deadlifts and squats. As a result I managed to plant one foot squarely on the ground, drag the other one out real quick, all the while keeping my balance. I swear the only thing missing from this stunt was a Captain Kirk barrel roll. A week or so pre-gym and I likely would have injured myself, badly.
By now, Ian had heard the commotion and ran out of the hut in time to watch his poor jeep crash into a fire hydrant. Awful as that sounds, it was a better case scenario than heading into the busy intersection just beyond. 
We examined the damage and determined the car was drivable but would need to be repaired. My only excuse for flight instead of fight was that I didn’t know what else to do. Ian asked why I didn’t hit the brakes. Duh, but that would only have worked if I had Gene Wilder’s leg length à la See No Evil Hear No Evil instead of Hobbit feet clad in comfy sketcher sandals. Alternatively, I could have straddled the middle console, grabbed the parking brake as if it were a kettle bell, and performed the mother of all deadlifts, saving the day and the front end of the car. Obviously, neither scenario crossed my mind while my magic car ride was underway.
These kinds of accidents always leave us feeling yucky and wishing we had done things differently. Like leaving a little earlier, or stopping at a different gas station and paying at the pump, or maybe keeping our running shoes on and our wits about us. 

If I could channel Hiro Nakamura and alter the space-time continuum, I’d stay in the car this time and somehow stop it from crashing. But I didn’t and we didn’t, and it’s only stuff, right? Stuff that can be replaced or repaired. Besides, nobody got hurt which is the best part. And what’s a bucket list for after all, if not for crossing off. 
From over a year ago, right before my dad fell ill and the rest of us fell apart. I’ve made magic bars only once since.

  • Last night someone in our household was farting the Lone Ranger theme song. Either that or it was me humming the William Tell Overture to a galloping rhythm. 

  • Here’s an oxymoron for you: rushing through a new book on meditation so that I can start meditating as soon as possible. Apparently meditation is the new sexy.

  • It’s a good thing I did a quick meditation before discovering I had run out of chocolate chips in the middle of baking magic batrs. Rather than shout for Ian, who wasn’t home anyway, I turned off the oven, replaced inside yoga pants (jammies) for outside yoga pants, backed over the garbage can lid in the driveway, stopped at Starbucks for a latte (since I was out anyway), remained calm as I counted the cart contents of all the other people in the 8 items or less line at the grocery store, and made it home in time to answer the phone. It was Ian asking if I needed anything from Costco. 
  • There’s this gorgeous welcome mat at the local grocery store that reads “Bonjour” though it’s not so much the message I like but rather its fresh, grass green colour. Ian, knowing me well, suggested I may do better off with a mat that says “Au Revoir”.

A beloved family friend died on April 3rd, following a brief illness, and broke our hearts. Unable to attend the funeral in Toronto, I helped my father formulate some memories into a eulogy, one that was read by Auntie Pat’s son-in-law, Peter, at the ceremony. I then did the same with my own recollections, crying buckets in the process. 

Many of you may know Auntie Pat already, by her claim to fame as cover model for the Supertramp album, Some Things Never Change. Her resemblance to the Queen of England landed her that gig.

The first text is mine:
Yesterday evening, looking for inspiration, I asked my husband to grab a big white box marked “memories” stored high on a shelf in my bedroom closet. In it were a bunch of diaries from my childhood. The oldest one had “Five Year Diary” written in multiple languages all over its black and yellow binding, with a broken clasp in front that once purported to keep the musings of this grade schooler safe from prying eyes. Flipping through it, I needn’t have worried about the contents being exposed as the writing was pretty innocuous. Each page allowed five separate entries, one for each year, with a ration of four lines per annum. The first entry was on February 20th, 1973, my tenth birthday. It read “My Birthday and I got this diary and a Cup from Antie Pat and family.” Amused, I noted that “Auntie” was misspelled and random words were capitalized. What struck me as I skimmed through the entries was that we got together with our friends the Dhillons at least several times a month, be it for birthday celebrations, holidays or just because. Every two months or so, we ate at the Ponderosa Steak House. And whenever anyone from our respective extended families was coming from or heading overseas, we would all meet at the local international airport to either greet them or send them off. I know this because I’d crammed all the “who’s who” details into four lines of text in my diary. School night or week-end, it was simply what we did. Indeed, there is a small black and white photo of me, my cousin Eira, and Auntie Pat’s daughter, Cheryl, taped at the back of the diary, taken when Eira and her family were visiting from England in July 1973.

Clockwise from left: my cousin Eira, Cheryl, me.

The Dhillons were our true Canadian family growing up. They were the only other family we knew with an East Indian dad and a British mom and Cheryl and Robin were our “too cool for school” older cousins by association. Considering the political and racial climate back then, I think the friendship between our families provided our parents with unconditional support for all the challenges a mixed race marriage can bring, particularly one that produces light brown kids. It normalized our unique situation and provided us with a model of community that eventually included other open and like-minded people. Their friends were our friends and vice versa. As kids, we felt safe and we felt loved, and that, at least for me, provided the foundation for a very happy childhood. It is why neither the miles that have separated us since their move to Toronto, nor the years that have flown by, have ever shaken the deep connection our two families have. And it explains the extent of our grief at the loss of our beloved Auntie Pat.

I have parents and they had these amazingly vibrant friends who would stay up to ring in the New Year long after I had gone to bed, who would dress up for any occasion and dance the night away, who twinkled under holiday mistletoe like teenagers, who outdid one another year after year with their halloween costumes, and who had an Easter party one year and hopped down the stairs wearing bunny ears and cotton tails. Auntie Pat was usually the instigator and everyone else followed suit.

The famous bunny party!
(Pat is the blue bunny and to her left is my mother.)

Cheryl and Robin, we had mothers who married for love and who had the courage and sense of adventure to travel the world at a time when there were no travel guides or itineraries. They raised families, drove cars and worked outside the home when so many of their generation didn’t. They made true, long-lasting friendships, held dinner parties, and together with our dads, connected our respective families over three continents. They sewed, crocheted and knitted endless costumes, including that crazy teddy bear head for Uncle Dhil.

Our parents partied until poor health no longer allowed it.

My parents with Auntie Pat.
New Year’s Eve, I suspect after midnight.

Our Auntie Pat was a great story teller and that’s how I remember her best: setting the stage, commanding her audience, elegant hands conducting, laughing that irrepressible laugh of hers through its telling. It’s the picture I will keep in my head whenever I think of her, with love and gratitude for having known her.
We wish so much that we could be there in person with you all today. We share the pain of your loss today and join you in spirit as you celebrate the life of our wonderful Auntie Pat.


And from my dad:

Our friendship began in 1968 when I met Raghbir at an engineering conference in Montreal. 
Our lives would forever be intertwined when I bumped into him again at the airport in July of that same year as coincidentally, we were both waiting for our respective wives and children to return from the UK.
From that day onwards, our families spent holidays together: Halloween, Christmas, New Year’s, Easter, long week-ends, and summer vacations. We camped together: weekends in Massena and longer road trips venturing further South in the summer months. There were barbecues in the summer, new restaurants to try when nobody felt like cooking and monthly dances at the local dance club where new friends were made. We attended many of the speeches that Dhil made through the Toastmaster’s organization and were so proud of his accomplishments.
Even when they moved to Toronto, Pat and Dhil would return to Montreal every New Year’s Eve to ring in the new year with some dancing and partying with old friends. Once a year, time stood still, and we cherish those wonderful times. Of course, we made it down the 401 on occasion too, and have fond memories of visiting Toronto one year to watch The Phantom of the Opera. Life was always brighter, more fun, with Pat around.
Just before our 25th wedding Anniversary, my wife asked Pat to look out for a gold bangle for me, an important symbol of Sikhism. Pat and Dhil brought it all the way from Toronto and helped us celebrate our silver milestone. Thirty one years later and I have removed it only twice, both times for cardiac surgery. Indeed, it is a daily reminder of her and how thoughtful and considerate she always was.
Pat, you were always on the go: smart and filled with energy for new business ventures, travel itineraries and fun-filled projects. You were, hands-down, our children’s favourite auntie, not by blood but having earned that spot early on in our friendship. Your children are loved by us as our own.
You were a beautiful and bright star in our lives and remain so in our hearts, our great and dear friend. We will miss you terribly.
Love always,

Paul, Jennie and family 
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