bogeyandruby

Random stuff, reflections on the meaning of life and death, humour, self-deprecation, a bit of bad poetry.

Scrolling through my facebook memories today were reminders that I am past my due date for retirement. Exactly two years late to be exact.

Whereas I was not ready to go on January 3rd, 2020, I know for certain today that the time has come. I feel it in my bones; it’s time to go.

I will give my four month notice at the end of February and leave by July 3rd, 2022, six months from now.

Making the decision to leave is a relief. It is paramount to taking a deep in-breath after swimming under water for a long time. It stems from a visceral need to stop and rest, for longer than a week-end or a two week vacation.

That’s not to say it isn’t scary. Apart from my maternity leave (a different kind of busy), I’ve worked since I was eleven. I don’t know how I will manage without the structure of a work-day, without a schedule.

And sad. I will miss the clients (though not all …) and my colleagues, many of whom I consider to be close friends.

I have no romantic illusions about retirement either. Shit happens. I see that in my work. I read about it on social media. I have elderly parents to care for, a teenager, and a house that’s kind of falling apart. I’m exhausted. And the only thing I can let go of is work.

I’m not sure why I’ve been hanging on for so long. Maybe it’s that I don’t know who I will be without my job description. Or maybe I hoped to accomplish a little more before I left.

It feels like I’ve lived a very small life up until now, a mundane life, an insignificant life. I mentioned this to my husband the other day and he wrote a poem about it, a perfect poem really, the way he usually does: gathering snippets of conversation, words and ideas and organizing them into stanzas.

Here it is:

A Small Life

It’s been a small life

Caught somewhere between

Monumental and mundane

Between the roaring,

boastful beacon bonfire

Lucky lux

Feeble flame flickering

And the Kind Candle.

Trying to make

a difference to the indifferent

A dent in the surface

To give meaning to absurdity

Fighting the current,

The reasons,

the blames,

False titles,

Wrong names

Finally accepting

The ebbing tide.

Not to drive, but

To finally ride

Who will be

my eyes?

My ears?

my heart?

Who will remember

Ten years hence?

If not gone,

But for today…..

Rejoice

— Ian Hanchet

These final months of work will be my reckoning. Where the needle falls in this small life will be up to me. Because somewhere between monumental and mundane is all there is, and that has to be enough going forward.

8 thoughts on “A Small Life

  1. Louise Dwerryhouse says:

    Without your job description you will be a wonderful writer and a musician with even more time to read. Doesn’t sound bad to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. bogeyandruby says:

      Thanks, Louise! It will be nice to practice those interests in the daylight instead of the evening light! I will figure it out.

      Like

  2. Bonnie says:

    Somewhere between Mundane and Monument is such an apt description of most of us Sharon….but I somehow suspect your needle is closer to monumental!! Your life is what you have made it, and by your own writings and descriptions…you have a huge life and have impacted many in a positive way. You will further continue to make an impact after retirement, and you will actually have time to enjoy it more. You are a wonderful inspiration to many of us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. bogeyandruby says:

      Bonnie, thank you so much for your kind words. They really touched my heart. At the end of the day, we all want to feel that we’ve made a contribution somehow, someway. I am very grateful for my little community, both online and off. I really appreciate the love and encouragement you bring to my life. Hugs 🙏❤️

      Like

  3. Klausbernd says:

    I stopped working ten years ago and enjoy the freedom to do as I please every day. First I travelled, now I read a lot, review books, write and also gradually learn to do nothing. I found that the most difficult thing, to be happy doing nothing.
    Good luck
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. bogeyandruby says:

      Thank you for stopping by and for your wise perspective. I am looking forward to having more time to pursue my passions: reading, playing music, and photography. That being said, I think I will need about a year of doing nothing to simply rest. 🙂🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Klausbernd says:

        Don’t imagine that doing nothing is easy. You will have to learn that too.
        Good luck
        Klausbernd 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. bogeyandruby says:

        Thanks! I am currently on vacation (retirement practice) and reading Four Thousand Weeks (Time Management for Mortals) by Oliver Burkeman. What won’t be easy is doing nothing guilt-free. We live in a society where even leisure time is expected to be productive, a means to an end.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The World according to Dina

Notes on Seeing, Reading & Writing, Living & Loving in The North

ART WORLD BLOG

This is an Art Blog covering many topics to do with art, how to draw and paint tutorials, style, as well as creativity in general. We blog about art, photography, recommend related products and give our best SEO tips for artists and bloggers. We'd love to hear from you so get in touch if you want to start up a conversation or a collaboration!

Thoughts from a Fat Old Lady

This is the stuff this fat old lady thinks about

rOsalia Cerro

Sustainable Graphic Design Solutions • Solutions en graphisme durable

Changing On The Fly

A Podcast on Hockey & Politics

Grieving maman

Surviving the loss of my son

Books for Life

Here you will find information about all my books and about my crazy thoughts.

Silent Songs of Sonsnow

"I have enough time to rest, but I don't have a minute to waste". Come and catch me with your wise words and we will have some fun with our words of wisdom.

Family In the 2020s

Cool Family Ideas

JACK TODD

Writer

MARK AND CARE

Make an impression wherever you go!

A Book Wanderer

Traveling through books one page at a time.

%d bloggers like this: