bogeyandruby

I signed up for this fitness app the other day, based on the casual endorsement of someone in the fitness industry whom I respect.

I figure I have nothing to lose apart from a few bucks and hopefully a few pounds.

I’d like to blame what I refer to as my COVID pudge on the pandemic but I suspect this particular spread began sometime before the virus made its appearance.

The first assignment, apart from listening to some coaching tips promoting the power of positive thinking, was to weigh myself.

Ugh.

I hadn’t weighed myself in about two years but figured I could still fit into the same pair of yoga pants so how bad could it be?

I don’t wear jeans, or any other type of pants with a snap/button or fly (in my case it would be snap/button and pop) so it is difficult to gauge weight gain or loss by whether or not I can do them up.

I do, however, have a penchant for wearing a certain jean jacket that happens to be pure cotton. As in 0% spandex.

Not being able to get my arms in the sleeves of the jean jacket is a very bad sign. (I’ve been there.) The good news is I can get my arms through.

Then I check if I can do it up. Consider no spandex, no snaps, only buttons. I can do up one button with a lot of maneuvering. Check.

Next test is the drive test. Can I wear the jean jacket buttoned up and keep my hands at the ten o’clock and two o’clock position on the steering wheel? Umm … yup. But only if I’m not going anywhere ‘cause nothing else is moving.

The last test is the hug test. Can I wear the jean jacket buttoned up and give a very tall person a hug around the neck (a bushel and a peck are optional)? Fail!

So why not wear a cardigan or (gasp) a shawl?

Because I am already becoming way too cube-like in my middle age, rounded off at the corners, neck sloping to my disappearing acromion process(es). Pretty soon I will loose all edginess and spin through life like the internet wheel of death. I will roll around my neighbourhood like a big round of cheese wearing a cardigan.

The jean jacket keeps me youthful and sharp. It keeps me accountable.

So if you see me driving around the neighborhood in my jean jacket, one hand on the wheel and the other one resting on the top of my car, you’ll know I’m getting my money’s worth on this app.