bogeyandruby

When I saw my eye surgeon January 14th, he said all was well post vitrectomy and that I could resume work and all activities without restrictions. He also gave me the green light to drive, once the gas bubble in my eye was gone, giving it another two weeks to dissipate.

Today is my Independence Day. Instead of my husband chauffeuring me to visit my mother at the senior’s residence where she lives, I will drive myself.

The gas bubble is still present, rolling around my visual field like a rogue punctuation mark, a swirling purple period with a Milky Way centre, small enough not to interfere with my vision or cause any blind spots.

I’ve remarked on a few things while recovering from this retina repair:

1. I need structure in my life, fixed landmarks around which I plan my day, week, life.
2. I have a propensity towards a sedentary lifestyle. I like to sit and read, especially during the winter months. When I am not reading, I sit and ponder, and when I’m not pondering, I sit and write. There is a small table next to my favourite chair in the living room which allows me to sip coffee or tea while I sit and in the late afternoon, it holds crunchy snacks. I am becoming a placid blob without purpose or straight lines. As my son once observed as a youngster: « Mummy, you sure like to blob. »
3. I have lost my confidence, the assurance that all is well in my corner of the universe. I am afraid to resume the life I led pre-surgery, rife with stress and heavy lifting (both figuratively and literally). I am afraid to take a plane, to travel to a place where they may not be able to fix my eye if my retina detaches again, of being without recourse or resources. I fear driving in the bright sunlight or at night. I am worried that all this sitting has made me more kyphotic and further lowered my centre of gravity. I am terrified that if it does happen again, I will lose my sight permanently. And I am strangely sad that this gas bubble that has been my retina’s stalwart anchor, not to mention, of late, my big fat excuse in life, will soon be gone.