Today’s to-do list:
I am trying to be a responsible parent and get my affairs in order because sometimes shit happens and I had my son late in life and he is an only child.
- Call notary to make an appointment to revise Last will & Testament. Message left on voice box. ✅
- Call Indian High Commision in Ottawa to obtain proper birth certificate. I left a message months ago and never heard back. Second message left after calling back several times and pressing options 1-9 in turn only to end up at the same generalized voice-box. ✅
- Call funeral home to discuss cheapest and simplest body disposal plan. Get side-tracked googling « how to donate your body to science in Montreal ». Apparently there are criteria for this, folks, and they won’t accept bodies that are too tall or too heavy or with crooked limbs. It also excludes you from being an organ donor. Oh, and no autopsied bodies either. ❎
Looks like I will have to reschedule the death planning for another day. 🙄
I did ask my son if he had a preference, like would he be willing to carry my remains to Kiratpur in the Punjab (the Sikh equivalence to the Ganges for Hindus) and maybe take my dad’s remains which are languishing in my sibling’s closet while he’s at it? He looked vaguely horrified at this before shrugging uncomfortably.
I don’t blame him. I mean, who thinks about death planning at twenty-one? I would like his input though, since I won’t be around for consultation after the fact.
After my mother’s breast cancer diagnosis in 1988, my parents got seriously organized and set up a payment plan for their respective cremations and burial site. That being said, it was still a circus, right down to the funeral home calling me the first day of visitation after my dad died to tell me the urn they paid for was no longer in stock and could I come down and chose another one. We settled on a white marble urn, very Taj Mahal. To clarify, half of my dad is at the cemetery and the other half is waiting to be returned to the motherland.
Would love some input if you’d care to share your thoughts and experiences on estate planning.
bogeyandruby 
Again Sharon, I can say that I love your writing, its humor and ability to get right to the heart of the subject.
The only ‘estate’ I have is my art and my poetry and they overlap sooo much! I have one friend to take care of my art and one to take care of my writing. I often wish there was one person for both.
My son’s agreed to manage everything else. I have three folders binders for him: one for the household – which has an Excel file for who wants what, valuables and location, etc., one for my will and insurance papers…, and one for family history and info.
I add and subtract when I have new info AND the energy, or more likely, nothing else to do (rarely).
We want it to be as uncomplicated as possible for our families. I wonder if that’s possible, as like your son, mine doesn’t like to talk about it.
I do have a friend who’s managed both his parents estates and offered to help my son. They get along well and he’s dependable, so that’s a relief.
BIG subjects – always more to talk about. Hope some of this helps.
Warmly,
Rose
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Thank you for your encouraging words, I so appreciate them, and for sharing your process, Rose.
Your son will probably never realize how much work and emotional energy you have saved him by this planning and organization.
Apart from his pre-paid cremation and burial, the only other item my father organized before he died was to consolidate his finances. The rest was a s*** show, with documents spread all over the house, from crawl space to bedroom.
You will leave the world a marvellous legacy in the form of your words and your art. I am convinced that artists are our salvation, the antidote to inhumanity.
This week, I ticked off an item: amending my will. I also decided to start my POA and mandatary process.
As for my birth certificate, I reached out to the East Indian diaspora on Reddit and they confirmed what I already suspected, that it would be a Herculean task. I would have to go back to my birth city with my parents in tow or find some elders who witnessed my birth and/or obtain hospital records proving my birthdate (I found the original notes from my mother’s obstetric follow-ups and my birth in one of the crawlspace boxes, don’t ask me why she had them) and AND I would have to grease some palms 😂.
India is a beautiful, spiritual country, but it is so, so corrupt. If I go back, it will be to spread my father’s ashes.
I love the idea of separate binders, especially that you can add or change items. Thank you for that idea!
Hugs,
❤️
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a touchy and difficult subject indeed. We contacted a legal person several times and we worked out all the necessary papers for each of us. BUT there are documents that need to be written in our own hand-writing and we have never done that since we made our arrangements! It pains me to be so neglectful and I promise myself at every occasion that I MUST do that…. easily forgotten until next time some friend dies, or is in a precarious situation, or is alone, or, or or…
Just yesterday I spoke at length with a woman from gym class. She’s over 80 and lost her husband of 60some years only weeks ago. She just now found his will – and being of an age where the use of computers and search engines, even the use of her cellphone, wasn’t mandatory, I saw that she needed urgent help on this subject…. there’s work ahead of me to help her – and my/our wills won’t be made, once more.
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Since I wrote this, my husband and I have booked a payment plan for our Instant Cremations. As long neither of us dies before the payments are complete in four years from now, we are all set. Neither of us have any interest in a permanent spot for our remains so our respective children are free to keep our ashes in storage or release them into the wind. I have also redone my will and have nominated a power of attorney/mandatary in case of incapacity. Feels good to do a bit of adulting. I hope you get your paperwork sorted out if only to have peace of mind. ❤️
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still ‘thinking’ about it and feeling bad because it remains ‘thinking’ and not doing…. a project of quieter days (only, we never have them and HH is still working full time)
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